32 Weeks Already!?

I feel like with always trying to catch up my posts, I never get caught up as something else already happened lol. So just going with the most current for this post.

As of today I am now 32 weeks, which seems so crazy that officially there is just 8 weeks left.

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Due to my age, having a premie before, and other fun stuff they are starting me this week with non-stress tests, and next week it will be three appointments a week (two are at least on the same day).

As of a few days ago, I have been having a hard time catching my breath, at least that is how it feels. Not trying to rush her at all, but if she could move down just a little and give my lungs some room that would be fabulous. 🙂

We had our baby shower last weekend and little Ms. Arizona is already loved and spoiled. This coming weekend is time to get everything finished setting up and moved around. 🙂 I just have her dresser/changing table to paint and everything else is ready. Phew.

I forgot to take a picture of the hostess gifts, but they received a stemless wine glass that says It’s A Girl on it..I put some white life savers in them and a votive candle. I am so thankful for them for putting this together. Loved how it was decorated and I think everyone enjoyed the games. ❤

So crazy we are about half way through October already. Well, thank you for following our crazy lives along.

Today Was No Stranger

Normally, in the past I would take to poems, but the words for poems seem to escape me, and the words coming to mind are not poem material of any kind.

I have to be honest, because I am sure I am not the only one, and sometimes keeping it in just makes it sit there and hurt.

Today, was no stranger, it’s a day like many others in the past, maybe situations were different, but the feelings all the same. I sit here tonight and wonder how this crept in again.

Without going into history, writing a novel, short story is I feel like I have given up so much of what I want to keep peace. That I still give things up to keep peace, and even keep my hair “long” (below should length at least) for someone else. I look around me in our house, and I don’t feel like any part of it is my house.

Dealing with other issues on a daily basis that I just don’t talk about (partly because unless someone has been there they don’t understand certain differences, and it’s not always easy to explain) has me mentally drained all the time. I have to mentally prepare our youngest daughter for her day, EVERY DAY. Those who know our girls now, probably have no clue how far any of them have come. And that’s fine, it’s our journey.

The biggest thing eating at me tonight, has me feeling all sorts of guilty, is that before this pregnancy, I feel like we had reached a great spot in our journey together. We were both shocked the day we found out. I even wanted to cry for a few minutes when I found out we were having ANOTHER girl, and then I got over that. The girls are happy, the youngest is very much involved in weekly updates and wanting to know what baby looks like now, how big she is etc. So what’s the problem? I feel like this pregnancy turned me into a leper in our marriage.

With that last part being said, I know the reasons why, but I constantly am wanting time with my husband. I want attention, I want quality time. This stems from my history, and normally I can calm myself down. Calm myself down? Yes that’s what I said. I have battled depression for years, never found a counselor I liked. I figured out on my own how to cope. How to recognize when I was slipping, how to pull myself out. It takes work, and everyone is different, my ways might not be your ways, so I am definitely not saying do not see a counselor, do not avoid meds, etc. You have to find what works for you.

This pregnancy has me going haywire sometimes by the minute. I can’t catch myself. to add to the hormones, or whatever it is going on, I am constantly hot! Never felt like that with the others. Since about 7/8 weeks I haven’t been able to sleep a full night, on top of being tired already. None of this makes a good combo.

Before I say anything else, before you think I am totally bashing my husband, let me say he has been awesome. He knows his snoring keeps me awake, so he sleeps on the couch so I can get as much rest as I can. He has done some store trips when he’s tired to get certain things. I know the couch hurts his back so I bought ear plugs, and then he just kept falling asleep out there, and the wax ear plus I used the past hurt my ears now for some reason so he said not to worry about it.  We have done more as a family in the past few years, more so this last year, than ever before. And that creates great memories with our girls. There are reasons I love him, I promise.

Since this pregnancy, even when we are all home together, I don’t see my husband. He comes home and immediately goes to the back room. The spot we were in before this pregnancy is gone. I feel like we are back in our beginning years, the years we struggled the most. I call them our young and dumb years. We were young, and were dumb lol…simple as that. We loved each other, but seemed clueless how to make certain things work, and with two stubborn people, it was not always pretty. So to get back to what has me feeling all sorts of guilty, is the thought of not wanting to be pregnant right now. I was done, I was so done I was at the surgi center to get my tubes tied. I had a couple times in the first trimester were I was PISSED because I was so exhuasted I could barely make it through the whole day and that was coupled with feeling nauseous all day long. I got over that, that trimester ended and I felt better, at least not as exhausted and the nausea stopped. But feeling like our relationship went backwards and wishing we weren’t here right now, has me all sorts of guilty.

Every child is a blessing. We have been blessed with three beautiful, unique, daughters. We are being blessed with one more. This is God’s plan, not how I am feeling, not how we are in this situation, but Arizona is a blessing. I wouldn’t trade her, any of my girls, for anything in the world. I cannot wait to meet her.

I do wish that I didn’t feel so drained regularly from dealing with certain things and then to top that off with feeling like a leper trying to figure out how to repair what I thought was repaired. I so often feel alone, and sometimes I am the one who does it, or the only one who feels that way, or the only one who sees things a certain way, it’s exhausting to just be me sometimes, lol…funny but not funny.

It’s hard feeling like your own husband wants nothing to do with you, hard to get him to relax, have fun, dance with you even, and then see him do all of those things with other people, knowing you are hurting/upset at that moment. Feeling the way I do right now for a bit, I flipped the crazy switch tonight. This pregnancy has been the hardest on me mentally, and physically in the sense that I just am tired and have no energy.

I don’t even know if this all flows together or just sounds like the ramblings of a pregnant woman. But I share, while going through this, feeling this way, because I know I am not alone, maybe situations are different, but I am not alone in the feelings. I think it’s been looked down on to share certain things, and we feel so guilty about feeling the way we do when we should acknowledge it and talk about it. So that is me, putting it out, being real, in this moment.

Bump Boxes

Everything seems to have a subscription type box now. I have to say I have tried a few of them, and right now my favorite is Bump Boxes! You get a boxed through each month of your pregnancy, and you can continue through your child’s first year.

I was excited when my first one arrived.

While my review is definitely late with this one, I am pleased to say I enjoyed all the different products that were sent.

The ecotools muslin cloths are amazing! Very soft on the face, perfect for washing/rinsing of your face.

The Cleansing face mas was nice, I just caution it is a little gritty (like microdermabrasion type grit) so be careful not to scrub too hard when applying or rinsing off.

The body wash smells amazing and was nice as well.

I only used the skin lightening cream once, it was nice and lightweight. I just don’t usually change the products I use as my face can be sensitive, but I wanted to at least try it.

The coconut eye pads were amazing, nice and cool! I do want to buy more of those actually. Felt like they were just what I needed.

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I couldn’t wait to see what was in my second box!

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I love how the belly butter feels! The massage device, not even sure what that is called honestly, but it feels great on my back and my daughters love rubbing my back with it, and of course they would like a rub in exchange lol.

My oldest tried the hand and foot massager, and I don’t think it ever made it’s way back to me. She said it feels amazing on her feet. I am going to have to hijack that back.

The softening foot and heel balm is amazing! I use it every night right now.

The maple peacan ONA Cookie was ok. I am use to sweet cookies, and while this did have some sweet, I don’t think it would satisfy any sweet tooth cravings.

The Momosa book was awesome! I haven’t made anything just yet, but am marking the recipes I want to try. Will share later what I ended up making and how I liked them.

I highly suggest if you are expecting, signing up for this Bump Box monthly subscription box and get some pampering sent right to your door.

 

4th of July, Weekend Fun, and Family

July is half over already?! Wowza!

4th of July was a fun weekend for us. We enjoyed a BBQ with our NFF Family. The girls loved the pool, and the youngest didn’t want to get out. From light to night she was in there.

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I was able to get in some mom/daughter dates over the extended weekend as well. Both the younger ones wanted a frozen yogurt date, so frozen yogurt they got.

My oldest picked a movie, The  House, so we went and enjoyed some AC, good snacks, and some laughs.

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We celebrated 4th of July with my husbands family. The girls all loved being around family and seeing their cousins! It was a very nice relaxing afternoon, and again the two younger ones loved the pool time!

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The following weekend we had some “business” mixed with personal. The younger two girls had their yearly Dr. check ups then we headed to Tucson to visit family. The girls love going to see family! We enjoyed a great lunch and a good visit. Then we headed to The Red Lion Inn to stay the night so the drive there and back wouldn’t be so hard.

I was pretty impressed at what we got. The room had a partial kitchen, and I say that because while it didn’t have an oven, it had a cook top including a few pans to use. They even provide a little Palmolive Dish soap!

There is a complimentary happy hour, and they have soda for those who are too young or just do not drink wine. The girls were pretty happy with the snack options.

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My oldest had some online school work she needed to catch up on, so while she stayed inside I took the little two out to…can you guess?….that’s right THE POOL! lol

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The hotel also included a breakfast in the morning and I have to say it was one of the best breakfasts we have had at a hotel (one that was complimentary anyways). They had sausage, potatoes, eggs, biscuits and gravy, fruit, cereal, hot cereal, waffles, bagels and other pastries. The girls were happy and had seconds!

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Yesterday, 7/12, I took the girls to their first Westgate Wednesday event they do during the summer. They loved it! To cut the photo line this week you had to show a receipt from Wich Wich for $15 or more, between certain dates, so I took them there to get something to eat. I love their Ultimate BLT! The girls enjoyed a grilled cheese.

Then when we were done eating, we were able to go get pictures taken with Iron Man and Spider-Man! Thank goodness we were able to bi-pass the regular line we would’ve been standing there for the whole event! The girls had a little fun in the little splash pad area that is there and then just enjoyed dancing and getting called up on stage for a few games. My youngest even won Fractured Prune Donut Pack!

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I definitely plan on making this a regular thing next year as this year is almost over for the summer events.

It’s so important to get in as much time with our kiddos as possible, esp if you are a working parent. Make the most of your time with them, let them know they are loved.

Thanks for catching up on our craziness!

Oh, I will leave you with this. I am now 19 weeks along with little Arizona! Almost half way done!

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Graduation Party, Tucson Trip, Baby Girl, and More!

Phew, I feel like I fall behind on posting what we are up to, and then when I post three is so much to catch up on! The craziness we call life never ends right?!

So first up was a graduation party that we went to as a family. I can’t believe how fast time has flown. the girls got to enjoy some pool time, and then my oldest decided she didn’t really want to be captured on photo, lol. We had some great food, great laughs, and were very appreciative to have been included in this special occasion.

Pool party

I had originally opted to not do any testing, and then at another appointment decided to go ahead and do testing and add the gender test. We are having our fourth girl! So crazy, but we make some beautiful girls so one more is just fine. ❤

It's a girl

We took a trip to Tucson to visit my uncle’s family and my sister came over too! It was great to see her. And I don’t know what happened, but I severely lacked in the picture department while there. However, my youngest had my oldest take a picture of her at the rest stop on the way back, because she knows I love pictures! Lol

Tucson

The girls get to dress up on Fridays. I think they are two of the only ones to be consistent with it, but they look forward to each new week. First they Alohaed into Summer, then the Pirates took on the Caribbean, and then Superheroes took on Villians!

I am now 15 weeks, well almost 16 weeks, along with this little girl. We haven’t settled on a name yet, but there are are a few in the works.

15 weeks

I tried chicken and waffles a while ago, probably like a few years ago, with a friend. However, it was said that we have got to try LoLo’s, so I finally did! I have to admit, it was much better than the first try somewhere else. Their cornbread was great too, however the actual corn kernels threw me off a little.

chicken and waffles

I took the girls out to frozen yogurt since we weren’t able to make the last food truck event. They were happy to be inside where it was nice and cool with a nice cool treat!

I ordered TruVision rePlace shakes. They come packed with 20 grams of protein and so many other nutrients your body needs. I also got some Heart and Hydration. With this heat sucking everything out of a person I want to stay hydrated but make sure my other levels are good as well. Best part, it’s better than a sports drink, less the sugar and calories! I plan to have the rePlace at night after working out, or as a snack if I am feeling extra hungry during the day.

TruVision

To help celebrate a friends birthday, we went and had lunch, and then we got pedicures. It was nice. And it was a reminder to myself that we need to treat ourselves like that, more than just once or twice a year.

pedicure with the ladies

I have to say I love Walmart Grocery ordering, and picking up and done. It has been saving me so much time! Now normally I would have a separate post about meal prepping with recipes, but I didn’t save the links. So I will share some of what I did and next time I will be sure to have links.

For breakfasts this week we are having paleo chocolate waffles, pumkin pancakes and muffins. I threw some mini chocolate chips in the muffins and waffles. I make some scrambled eggs in the morning and cut up some fruit and done.

For lunches this week, I have BLT salad with a balsamic vinegar dressing, and chicken egg roll in a bowl.

For dinners, I prepped a few veggies packs (carrots, red potatoes, and cabbage) to go with some corned beef we had in the freezer. *Hint, when packing something to go in the crock pot, put what you want on top, in the bag first* I also cut up some chicken breast into smaller pieces to make crispy chicken tenders. I am using up some other items we have in the freezer like a roast and other veggies, and then I got some spaghetti and garlic bread for a couple easy dinners, one this week and one next.

The tenders didn’t come out how I was hoping in our Airfyer, so I will try it a little different net time. the fries I am always happy with how they turn out. nice and crispy.

This week we started off with a Kona Ice truck coming to work! It was a great cool down treat for a week of high temps!

work kona ice

If you live in the Phoenix area, or another area were there are high temps (triple digits yikes) stay well hydrated! thank you for checking in our craziness. Enjoy life, be kind, show love!

Baby Brown Week 11

It still seems like yesterday we were told that I was pregnant, and yet it seems like I should be further than just 11 weeks. Knowing this will be my last, I am trying to enjoy every moment (super easy when morning sickness is an all day thing right).

The last few days I have finally felt as close to normal as possible, just extremely exhausted at night. ENERGY COME BACK.

That being said, what got me through most of my first trimester? CARBS! Do you know how hard it is seeing the scale go back up so quickly after working so hard to get it down (and it was a slow process)!? I know I know, I am pregnant and I will gain some weight, but not so much in just the first trimester. I am trying to not focus on that, but it’s hard, not going to lie. I gained a ton of weight in my first pregnancy, did great with the middle two (even lost the pregnancy weight from the middle two before my 6 week check up). What I wanted if I did have a fourth pregnancy, was to have a cute pregnancy, with a cute baby belly. I think God tried waiting to give me everything I wanted, and then I jumped the gun scheduling my tubes to be tied and there was no more waiting for me to loose the weight lol.

So now I am here, a fourth overweight pregnancy, trying to not flip out at how much weight I have already gained. My focus (now that I am not nauseous all day) is just going to be getting back to healthier diet and incorporate my walking in again. I have Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds at home so I can add in more at night (once my energy is back, or at least more). Then I will just work with my OB for good goals from here on out.

Why share this? Because I am not the only one who feels this way, and I want you to know it’s ok. But you can’t stay focused on it. You are where you are, I am where I am, and all we can do is be healthy for ourselves and our baby we are growing into a tiny human. Stay positive cause that precious little baby can feel your vibes and a positive atmosphere is best. Enjoy every minute of it (ok maybe after the morning sickness is gone lol).

I don’t know that I tracked my progress with baby bumps in any of my previous pregnancies because of the overweight thing, so I am going well out of my comfort zone to do that with this one. Maybe you are not comfortable with that, but track it for you, even if you don’t share the photos. You and your little one at some point in the future might want to look back on this precious time. So this is me, sharing where I am at 11 weeks.

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